As a musician in the Canadian Forces who has a sick and twisted need to go out and play real soldier now and then, I take a fair amount of ribbing about not only my trade, but to make things even funnier, my primary instrument. Seen American Pie? "And this one time, at band camp..." (And for the record, NO, I have never done that with my flute. If you don't know what I'm talking about, see the movie. If you are of the parental nature, ignorance is bliss.)

In July 2004 I taught the second half of the CF boot camp (Soldier Qualification, also known as SQ). I managed to fool my troops for the whole month. They thought I was infantry. (I told them after the grad parade what my trade really was!) ;) Then I spent a week in August as enemy force for a major field exercise involving all the reserve combat arms units from most of Western Canada. Most of the people I met had the same kind of tongue-in-cheek comment when it came to my trade and my instrument. "And this one time..." or "Does the army issue a combat flute?" . A couple of troops from my unit that I was working with also brought it up some time in the fall. It was time to act.

The first step was to get a cheap flute. One where I didn't really care what happened to it. There was one stipulation: it actually had to be a functional musical instrument. My friend Heather offered to come around to pawn shops with me to see what we could find. I'm not exactly a pawn shop kind of girl, so having a friend to go with was an enormous help. So, off we went. We started out around 118th ave and 97 street in Edmonton. (For those of you not from Edmonton, 118 ave is politely termed the Avenue of Champions. Use your imagination to get an idea of what the area is really like.) No luck. Some of the shops weren't open. Some of them wanted way too much for a cheap flute, and one of them completely ignored us.

Next stop: Stony Plain Road just west of 149 avenue. Another really spectacular area. (Are pawn shops ever in a good area?). We decided to park and walk, there were enough stores in a two block radius that I figured we could find something. As we were headed towards the first one, a small sign in the door of a shop caught my eye:

It sure didn't look like much. The entire storefront was probably no more than 8 feet wide, if that, and that included the door. We walked in, expecting another pawn shop. The place was incredibly long, and rather dark, and there were dusty musical instruments all over. Electric keyboards, many guitars, some various percussion bits, and (where this fits in I do not know) piles of old computer monitors and parts. We looked around but saw no flutes. As we approached the back, there was a little squat man sitting there working on something.

We talked to him for a couple of minutes and discovered that he actually knew more than the first thing about music. It turns out he wasn't a pawn shop - he'd been collecting instruments for about 30 years, he loved music, and this funny little shop was his retirement project. We got quite a kick out of him. I bought a cheap $50 flute that barely played but that I figured I could fix, gave him my card, and promised to come back and show him the project when I was done.

So, new flute in hand, Heather and I headed back to my place to see what I could do about said flute. We booted up a computer game, and while we played that, I took the flute apart. It took some doing to get the keys off. I think someone had used WD-40 at one point to try to oil the thing. The screwposts were coming out black. They should be silver in colour. For the record, cleaning a really dirty flute is not so different from cleaning a really dirty rifle. I had some leftover CLP (Cleans, Lubricates, Preserves....how's that for an army name?) courtesy of the army, and it worked like a charm.

About a week later, I had gotten the keys off, cleaned, put it back together, and got more sound out of it. I also replaced a few of the pads. The action was significantly better too. Once I got the thing painted and put back together, I also made a trip to my father's shop to use the soldering iron to even out the VERY STUCK adjustment-height screws on a few of the keys. Amazingly enough, in all of this, I didn't wind up with any leftover parts... (I am one of those people where sometimes, if I take something apart and put it back together enough times, I have two). Time to paint. Bless Heather's heart, she had army coloured model paint. So, off came the key assembly again.

And now, the making of the combat flute. My kitchen table became a workbench.

^{Click on the thumbnails for a larger view}


First, a base coat:

After painting the headjoint, I realized that the base colour was really a little too bright, so I mixed it down with some brown for the body and foot, and then a still slightly darker color for the keys.

 

The painting took much less time and paint than I expected, probably 15 minutes for the whole thing, including mixing.

Then came the camouflage pattern. I wasn't going to attempt the Computer Assisted Design pattern from the CF uniforms, but most camouflage patterns consist of the same colours: a few shades of green, a shade or two of brown, and some black (sparingly). I had to put them on in stages, since I wanted to be able to overlap:

First, a lighter green, then some brown.

   

Then an even more olive-green, a darker brown, and some black.

I painted the case up with basic olive green and 2 shades of brown. (Hey, it's ALL gotta be camouflaged...).



Finally, some scrim to break up the lines! ;)

   

For the most part, it plays. I am still having trouble with the Ab key, so I only have about 4 really good notes, the rest are pretty fuzzy. I expect I just need to build the pad up a bit more underneath. Future plans for the Combat Flute include a bayonet and mount (provided I can find one that *isn't* $65 CAD), and a sling, for ease of carrying when out of the case!

UPDATE (end of April 2005): I managed to fix the Ab key, which, of course, has opened up a whole wealth of other problems. I still only have about 5 good notes, and that's with some creative fingerings. I think the solder has softened up (too much silver in it) and the keys that were in line are no longer in line....

UPDATE (mid-June 2005): Working in the Field Training Section (er...Company...currently there are 90 or so troops employed...) at CFB Wainwright has allowed me access to a relatively complete workshop, so I found the problem with the A key, and used solder again to level it out. I also oiled up the right hand assembly. I still have a sluggish key, but I don't think I can fix that. It may be bent internally and I definitely don't have the tools to fix that without causing a minor catastrophe... :D

BUT, the flute now plays! Mind you....I don't think it was a really expensive flute to begin with...so it still plays rather like a toilet bowl....

...but I still get really good reactions when I show it off.... :D

The mess during production


The completed project:



And finally, the Place of Honour in my classroom at CFB Penhold:


Me playing the infamous Combat Flute:


Totals:

Old flute:	$50
Army coloured paint:	$ FREE (but I did buy my pal some beer)
5 x new flute key pads:	$10.50
Having your dad solder the very stuck adjustment screws so that the keys are all an even height:	One dozen chocolate chip cookies
Seeing the look on the faces of your army pals when you show them:	PRICELESS

Yup, I'm a nerd.